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postpartum

Although I haven't had issues with breastfeeding I have had issues with postpartum depression.  Initially I thought it was just the baby blues and then sleep deprivation, but after five months I figured it was actually PPD.  I haven't been depressed consistently over the past several months so I didn't seek professional help.  As soon as I would get to that point I would feel better.  I do think a lot of it has been tied to my level of tiredness which doesn't seem to necessarily correlate with the amount of sleep I get.  


After I got home from visiting my family I was really down.  I had a difficult time feeling loved and feeling love towards others.  It's really hard to be a mom feeling ambivalent at best and super sad at worst.  The worst part is having these horrible thoughts about hurting my sweet baby.  When I feel good I definitely know that it's not me, it's some weird hormonal/chemical thing going on in my brain.  I emailed my mom who had mentioned something about suffering from PPD herself and it really helped to hear her experience and know that there was an end to it.  I see that she's a great mom and that it doesn't mean I'm a bad mom.

Luckily I have felt good since then.  I was really to the point where I was going to the doctor if I didn't feel any better.  I was worried about going because I didn't want to have to take anti-depressants if it would mean stopping breastfeeding.  I started exercising not because I wanted to get in shape, but because I thought it would help me feel better emotionally.  

I don't know what causes it or what made it stop, sometimes it comes back when I'm tired, but overall I haven't had it bad like I did in July.  It has really helped me sympathize with those suffering from depression.  
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Comments

Amanda said…
Know that if you need to be treated for depression, it really does not necessarily mean anti-depressants. You're on the right track with exercise. There are also other options. My recommendation, as a therapist, is to go see a therapist first THEN a psychiatrist at very last resort if you decide to seek help. The therapist isn't going to assume you need medications, while the psychiatrist looks at that as a first line of defense against depression; meds should not be the first line of defense, in my opinion. Hang in there! I know it's tough...
October 8, 2011 at 11:14 AM
mj said…
Oh, I feel your pain--well not now thank goodness. But yeah it's so much easier to see looking back, huh? Hugs to you. I've read that fish oil supplements can help with mild PPD so I will definitely be taking them leading up to and following delivery for #2, so it might be something to add to the exercise if you're still feeling off (I know you have a strict diet, so if fish oil doesn't work it's really the Omega-3's I hear which are also in flax oil). In my experience I didn't feel all the way normal again until I stopped breastfeeding.
October 12, 2011 at 11:02 PM
mj said…
p.s., that doesn't mean you should stop breastfeeding, but it was just an interesting phenomenon.
October 12, 2011 at 11:04 PM
Unknown said…
My mom said that she only had PPD with the babies she breastfed. I think it is probably influenced somehow by the hormones needed to produce milk. I look forward to not breastfeeding for this reason, but I'm not looking forward to having to monitor what I eat. I love all the extra calories milk making burns :)
October 13, 2011 at 8:18 AM
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