It's amazing how a good night's sleep can change your perspective. Friday and Saturday nights were tough. For some reason Quentin wasn't sleeping very well. We think he was gassy. Sunday evening as I was getting him to bed he was particularly cranky and has this new horrible cry/yell he does that is really annoying and I had a mini break down.
Sometimes I still feel emotionally messed up. I can get too introspective and overwhelmed. Overall I think I'm a good mom, but I get scared that I'm going to sabotage my happiness. Stories about parents hurting their children either intentionally or not (Anthony trial, leaving kids in the car, etc.) really disturb me and I get afraid that I will hurt my baby. He's so dependent that it would be easy to do. Then I feel guilty for those thoughts even coming to mind. (I used to be afraid that I would cheat on my husband, ruining our relationship - as though I had no control over the situation. I think that I just get afraid that I'm going to mess up the wonderful things in my life).
I feel better when I listen to the Mormon Channel that has all sorts of inspirational talks and discussions instead of watching the news. My husband and I chatted last night after I finally got Quentin to bed and that also helped.
Quentin miraculously slept all night. It was wonderful to wake up to his smiley face. All is forgiven. My sweet boy, I love him so much. I hope that I can be a good mom for him. It's such a big responsibility. Your mom is your special person who you trust the most. I pray that I can live up to this new calling in my life.
Quen is getting so big. So many firsts coming our way. We took him swimming in the pool the other day and the doctor said he can start trying rice cereal now and drink out of a sippy cup. I can't believe he's old enough to drink out of a cup! It's so exciting. Much more exciting than I ever anticipated. Amazing how these little milestones are so thrilling when your a parent.
I have a new calling (job) at church. I'm in charge of the weekly program/bulletin, moderating the congregation's Yahoo! Group listserv, and decorating the bulletin board in the hall. It's easy, but sort of time consuming. I think it's great for me right now. I need a project and this lends itself to creativity.
A contractor is coming today to insulate our A/C unit so hopefully it won't leak anymore. It's just condensation, but it's ruining our ceiling tiles in our closet that we just had replaced and the condo association is paying so why not. I'm particularly happy about this because we can then put all the stuff back into the closet in our exercise/office/craft room and I then can start using this room for its intended purpose(s). I bought some knit material last week to starting sewing no-scratch mittens for babies. I have these great mittens I'm borrowing from my sister-in-law, but apparently they are from the Philippines and I can't find anything like them anywhere so I have this plan that I'm going to make some. We'll see how it goes.
Since I've been home I've really related to this message about the desire to create. I need to have creative outlets and blogging is definitely one of those things for me. Cooking also lends itself to this, although I get tired of doing it everyday. It would be much better if I only had to cook 3-4 times a week and never had to do dishes. Doing dishes is like homework. I would like school so much better if I never had homework.
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