I don't think I've look forward to the weekend so much for a very long time. My husband is going to be gone all Saturday and Sunday with the car so I'm going to stay home and relax and clean. Our apartment still hasn't recovered from the trauma of our vacation to Florida. We've both been so tired we have only done the bare minimum in up keep. I'm finally going to make myself iron the piles of clothes sitting in our living room (between naps and while catching up on episodes of Army Wives).
An old friend from high school (in full disclosure we dated off and on for a couple years after high school as well as a short stint during 10th grade), is in town with his little family and wants to have dinner on Sunday night with my husband and me. I agreed to have them over so now I have even more motivation to clean. I haven't seen this friend since a few months after he abruptly got married while I was on an LDS mission in 2003. He insisted on coming over to see me with his new wife the day after my return, which was beyond awkward. I imagine that now we're both married and have had 7 years to lead different lives, we can have a pleasant evening together.
I do think it's a good time to have some closure on this relationship since the ending was so precipitous. I have moved on and haven't really thought about him much, but ever since I found out I was pregnant I have felt the weight of what motherhood entails as a life changing event and how my definition of who I am and my relationship with others will change. The bond I have with my husband will be forever strengthened. It will no longer be just spiritual, but physical. We will have someone we are both bound to no matter what besides just each other and that person's needs will trump our individual needs or wants.
I'm happy to step up our commitment to each other, I just didn't think about it before we decided to have a baby and it's only dawning on me now that we are committing ourselves more fully to each other. I thought that full commitment was made at the alter, but I realize now that it is more of a process than a one time event. An example for those who are LDS, I suppose it's like when you are baptized you thought you were fully committed, but then you received your endowments and it's a whole other level of commitment you didn't know existed. It's when you realize that there's no turning back now, even though you never considered it before.
I look forward to having one of those "Unanswered Prayers" moments like the Garth Brooks song, where I can fully appreciate how well everything turned out despite any misgivings at the time. Even though I have everything in my life that I could ever ask for times ten, I have sometimes wondered how my life would be if I had made different choices. Even though I already know things are great, I like to have them reconfirmed. I have found that sometimes the years bring selective memory and I forget why I made the choices I did.
It probably doesn't help that I've been super hormonal and insecure lately on top of feeling sick pretty much all the time. My feelings about everything are questionable right now.
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