I was spanked as a kid so I just figured that was all a part of disciplining a child and never really thought too much about it until I went back to Italy in 2005 with some friends I served with while we were missionaries in 2002-03. Coincidentally the Rome LDS Stake was opened up the week we were there so we made sure we went to the stake conference. This was a big deal because there has to be so many member of the church in the area before they could open a stake and it also suggested that they might be getting a temple soon which is now under construction.
A member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles (a top leader in the church), Russell M. Nelson came to speak. We had already heard him talk at the Paris Stake Conference the week before at a building right next to Versailles. His speech in Rome was different. He talked about discipline and even said how you shouldn't spank you children. This was the first time I had ever heard any church official say anything about spanking. It definitely got me thinking about it and I decided I wouldn't spank my children.
As time has gone by I feel more and more strongly about hitting your children in general. I do think that there may be an occasion where you might find it appropriate, in some extreme situation where the child is super out of control and might hurt someone or himself, but overall I can't see how you can teach not to hit by hitting. It really sets forth a bad example on how we treat each other as human beings and fellow children of God. I also believe that it strained my relationship with my dad because I was afraid of him and I don't want that for my kids.
There is a talk by another leader in the LDS church named Lynn G. Robbins called "What Manner of Men and Women Ought Ye to Be?" that we discussed at a Mother's Discussion Group I attended in June. It talks about being verses doing in disciplining our children. We need to concentrate on developing Christlike attributes in our children by teaching them, never in anger, and focusing on who they are not what they did. He says,
"We have all heard the advice to condemn the sin and not the sinner. Likewise, when our children misbehave, we must be careful not to say things that would cause them to believe that what they did wrong is who they are. “Never let failure progress from an action to an identity,” with its attendant labels like “stupid,” “slow,” “lazy,” or “clumsy.” Our children are God’s children. That is their true identity and potential. His very plan is to help His children overcome mistakes and misdeeds and to progress to become as He is. Disappointing behavior, therefore, should be considered as something temporary, not permanent—an act, not an identity."
"We can and should discipline the way that Doctrine and Covenants 121 teaches us: “by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; by kindness and pure knowledge” (verses 41–42). These are all Christlike be’s that should be a part of who we, as parents and disciples of Christ, are."
Coming up with positive, effective ways to discipline your kids is probably one of the hardest parts of being a parent and something I hope to do. Children definitely test your patience. Quentin is only six months old and obviously doesn't ever do anything to purposely annoy me, but he certainly doesn't always do what I wish he would. I know it's only going to get harder. I'll definitely need some of those Christlike attributes really soon. Patience being at the top of the list.
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