It's funny how the things we struggle with the most are the things we end up being subject matter experts on. I have been fortunate not to have any problems with breast feeding besides having too much milk so I don't actually know that much about it. My friends who are new moms have come to me for suggestions for their low supply issues and I have learned a little bit from their experiences, but really since I haven't had that issue I don't know anything besides some of it is stress and that milk making cookies seem to work.
[Update: I really didn't explain myself very well in this section. Two of my friends who saw lactation consultants both said that their low supply issues were partly caused by stress. This was the first time I had heard of any breastfeeding issue being stress induced and it really surprised me. I don't believe all or even most breastfeeding issues are stress induced and anyone having any issue feeding their baby should see a lactation consultant.]
I believe that part of my success with my supply was because I was convinced that it would be easy for me despite all the warnings to the contrary. A lot of women I spoke to before hand warned me that it was painful and difficult, but my mother didn't really have any issues breast feeding so I figured I wouldn't either. Perhaps these warnings that are meant to be helpful actually hurt some women because they are stressed out about it before the baby is even born. Or maybe not. It's just an idea.
[Update: Don't worry, this theory probably isn't true. I'm just wondering if women being stressed out about breastfeeding because of the stories they've heard before giving birth affect their supply. My mom was the only one who didn't seem to have had a problem breastfeeding that I spoke to before giving birth. I've heard some pregnant women say that breastfeeding is their number one fear about having a baby.]
[Update: Don't worry, this theory probably isn't true. I'm just wondering if women being stressed out about breastfeeding because of the stories they've heard before giving birth affect their supply. My mom was the only one who didn't seem to have had a problem breastfeeding that I spoke to before giving birth. I've heard some pregnant women say that breastfeeding is their number one fear about having a baby.]
Becoming a parent really does change you. I think it's the added responsibility. We both seem a bit weighed down sometimes. I with the constant on the job feeling of taking care of a baby 24/7 that leaves me never really able to relax as I am always listening and worrying just a little. My husband is weighed down with the responsibility of providing for his little family and having a new and very stressful job. He works a lot more than the average bureaucrat and worries about getting all his work done a lot. I think it's this responsibility that really makes you age.
Everything is shaped by this new load you take on as a parent. It has definitely affected our relationship which has had to adapt to this new dynamic in our house. It's not just us anymore. I try to put Quentin to bed pretty early, but some nights he gets up several times (all before we go to bed thank heavens) and I end up spending most of the evening feeding him in his room. This leaves very little time for my husband and I to hang out. Even when we are alone there are many business type decisions to be made and things to do that take up our time. Some days you really have to work at prioritizing your relationship with all the busyness.
Quentin has been growing and changing so much lately. I can't believe he's almost 1/2 year old!! He can roll from his back to his stomach and sometimes from his stomach to his back. He plays peek-a-boo and cries when we take away his washcloth we let him play with during bath time. I'm already getting nervous about him becoming a toddler. I'm pretty sure he's teething. There are white spots on his gums right were his two front bottom teeth should be. He can also stand up with balancing help, which is new. He's getting stronger everyday. We also cut his hair while he was in the tub. It looks pretty good. It looks better, but it would be good if we new something about cutting hair and he didn't move around so much.
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I know mothers are quick to rely on their own experiences, myself included, but especially for something as personal and sensitive as breastfeeding I hope EVERY mother can simply show LOVE, SYMPATHY, and CONCERN & CARE about anything that has to do with breastfeeding.
I hope that doesn't sound mean, I just feel like I have to get my thoughts out there for the moms that want to cry every time they hear that! :)
Also, thanks for the link to the cookies, they look healthy and delicious even for the non-breastfeeding mamas!
So when my second came along, I figured it'd be a piece of cake since I'd done it before and had worked out issues with my first so I was "seasoned". Right? Wrong. I had some issues nursing my second in the first several weeks. I have cried. A LOT. Had to take a breast out of commission and pump only for a few days due to bleeding (severe bleeding and this was with "prepping" them with lanolin for 3-4 weeks prior to delivery).
I think some women and babies just have it easy from the start. Some have some mild problems (both mine I'd consider mild). Some have very severe issues. I don't think this has much to do with their mentality going in. I knew there was no other option for me, despite my mom having issues nursing me and my hubby's mom swearing my children would have issues because my hubby did when he was a baby. I didn't let their difficulties become a cause for concern/fear/stress for me. I'm an individual as are my babies so therefore, our experience as a team may be (and has been) different.
I agree, don't pass this theory along to people who are struggling with breastfeeding. Simply encourage them to seek out the assistance they need so that they can be a good team with their baby.
I hope you are able to find some time with your hubby. I know how difficult it is to balance everything and still feel like you have a good relationship with your husband at the end of the day!
But moving on to the stress of caring for a baby and finding time for anything else. It does get easier with time. But slowly. I think it's so important when you and hubs do have a minute to really listen to each other and find out what one thing you can each do to help the other. A little bit of communication and service goes a long way. It's like the little bit you need to keep hanging in there. Some day it will be different AND your baby who you love so much now will get more and more FUN to hang out with! That's probably about when you'll be ready to have a #2! Good luck to you and your fam.